Very Direct Questions

What the hell is Oaxaca and why would I want to go there?


Oaxaca is the name of both a city and a state. It's Oaxaca, Oaxaca, like New York, New York, only there are more Mexicans in New York. You should go there because Oaxaca will stun even the most jaded traveler. We've been to over 50 countries and have never seen anything like it. The cultural and ecological diversity that exist in such a small area are mind-boggling. With Mixtecs, Zapotecs and 14 other recognized indigenous groups, Oaxaca State is a bona-fide cornucopia of human culture. The city, mountains and coast are like 3 different planets. The hospitality is warm and real. The scenery is phenomenal. The climate is perfect. The food's a damn Unesco World Heritage. It's all completely safe and only 2 hours direct from Houston. The question isn't why you should come check it out, but why the hell you haven't?




Who are these Gregg & Rachael characters?


We're the crazy gringos that live in La Venta. Just ask anyone in the village. Aside from that, we're food and booze aficionados of the nth magnitude. We've traveled to over 50 countries, speak a bunch of languages, get along with everyone and love to have a good time. Prior to fleeing the severely unhealthy life of the restaurant business, we were very successful restaurateurs, Rachael having an incredible way with people, Gregg cooking like very few people can. In our new career we are badass Oaxacan hosts and we will take you EVERYWHERE. From the city, to the mountains, to the beach, we are equally at home in an elegant restaurant or the dirtiest dive bar. Sometimes there will be a white tablecloth on the table, other times a drunk Mexican. We are going to open our Oaxacan lives and home to you. We're going to spend a lot of time together. We don't care where you're from, who you voted for, who you're sleeping with or if you're sleeping with someone we voted for. Just be reasonable, open-minded and open to discussion and we'll get along just fine. From surreal to sublime, in ten days we can show you things that you will be processing for years to come.




But is it SAFE???


It's so safe you can't believe it. Please tell me someone got that reference. But it's true. Oaxaca is super-safe. We've lived there for years and find it MUCH safer than the U.S. Oaxaca enjoys a strategically peaceful location, too far south to grow poppies and nowhere near any cocaine trafficking routes. This makes it completely uninteresting to any of the cartels that are fighting an epic battle for their share in the massive US. market. With no cartel action, Oaxaca is in the hands of normal folks. Normal stuff happens. Normal rules apply. Don't leave your wallet on the beach and don't go stumbling off drunk into dark alleys alone. That kind of thing. You can tell your folks at home to worry about you less than if you were going to Miami or on some giant boat full of Noro-virus. Some of Oaxaca's more nefarious characters up to no good...




Is some jackass gonna wake me up at 6:00 to go watch basket-weaving?


The answer is NO. We will spend three days in Oaxaca city, three days in the mountains and three days at the beach. How we spend them will be up to you. We will build your itinerary together and it is made of clay. You may bend it and re-shape it as much as you like before and during your trip. Once you are on the ground, things always look differently than you expected. That's what why we're there for you 24/7. Every single day we will do EXACTLY what you would like to do, how and when you would like to do it.




Can I make this a full-on intensive culinary tour with endless cooking lessons?


Yes. We will eat everything under the sun in Oaxaca city. We will then spend the next three days at our retreat in the mountains where you can learn to cook ANYTHING you like. We can employ traditional methods in traditional kitchens... Or we can take the more modern route in our awesome kitchen. Either way, or a combination of both, we'll spend as much time as you like learning what you like to cook, your way at your speed. We can continue at the beach with incredible fish and seafood, or you can just relax and get back to being spoiled.




What if I hate it? Is that guarantee for real?


Money Back Guarantee, no questions asked... we mean it. You don’t like it, or us, at any time? Don’t think we’re worth a grand a day? We refund you on the spot for every day remaining of the ten and we drop you off at the airport, bar, hotel or wherever you like. Hate it already within the first 24 hours of arrival? We’ll refund every penny with no fuss or messing about.




Are the beaches really any good?


The Oaxacan coast offers dozens of world class, white, sandy beaches each with a completely different vibe. There really is a beach for every kind of lifestyle, fashionista to naked hippie. There are swimming beaches and surfing beaches, beaches with fancy resorts, beaches with oyster shacks and beaches with nothing but you, your partner and the cooler full of bubbly and shrimp cocktail that we brought you there with. Fishing, sky-diving, rave party. If it can be done on on a coast, you can do it in Oaxaca.




Can we bring more than two people?


The answer is a resounding maybe. We'd prefer you didn't, but it can be discussed. A larger group changes the dynamic. The more people, the more difficult it becomes to have unique and real experiences. With just the two of you, you will never feel like a tourist. Everyone knows us but no one knows that we do tours. Oaxaca just thinks that the crazy gringos have another couple of friends in town.




Can children come?


No. This trip is for grownups (a mature teen, maybe) and there are already enough kids in Oaxaca. You can play with some of them if you miss yours.




I'm a big, squeamish lame-ass. Can I come?


No. This trip is for curious people that like to have FUN. You also must be able to handle a little dirt and some bugs without freaking out. These are the tropics and Mexico is, well, Mexico. Your accommodations will be uncompromisingly 5-star. That does not mean that a really big spider won't check out your bathroom. And, a bathroom you need to use somehwere along the way might just look like this. Come with an open mind and a lust for life and adventure, you'll have the best time you could ever imagine. Come with a hair dryer, Luis Vitton and a bunch of hangups, we'll probably be sticking you back on a plane in a couple of days.




I no speako Espanish. Problemo?


Not at all. We, Rachael and Gregg, both speak perfect spanish, translate everything and nobody cares. You'll have a blast with or without Spanish and you'll have every opportunity to learn if you're interested.




Sounds fabulous, but don't they hate gringos?


No. They don't care where you are from. Oaxacans are not prejudice. Be kind, humble and friendly and you will be familiy. Be an arrogant, judgemental asshole and you will be taken back to the airport.




What exactly are the limits to this all-inclusive business?


There aren't many. We do put a $500 per couple, per day limit on alcohol expenses to keep those raging alcoholics from running us out of business. You know who you are. Airfare is not included as this is a cost that is impossible to calculate. Aside from that, everything is really and truly included. We even allow for up to $500 in souveniir purchases per couple. So, you really can leave your wallet at home.




What are the accommodations like?


They will be fabulous across the board, by anyone's standards. You will stay in a swanky downtown apartment while in Oaxaca city with rooftop terrace and all. In the mountains you will be our guests at our gorgeous home with stunning views of the world from 8345'. While at the beach you will have your choice of spectacular digs depending on which beach suits you best.




How gay friendly is it?


Like Doris Day. Come on down. No one cares. Oaxaca even has Mexico's only nude beach and there is a gay resort on it with bungalows right smack in the sand.




My life sucks because of food allergies. Can I come?


Yes. Your guide, compadre and cooking instructor, Gregg, is not only a chef but also glutarded and allergic to dairy. We are well aware of your issues and will take great care of you. If it's gluten and/or dairy for you, Oaxaca is a dream. 99% of the cuisine is completely free of them and if you're not full-blown celiac you should even be able to drink real beer. In Mexico several beers are made from strictly corn malt. No gluten. Aside from being able to eat most things Oaxacan with most allergies (eggs, nuts, shellfish, etc. are also easily avoided), Gregg will be happy to teach you how to cook them and many other fantastic allergen-free dishes.





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